Where have all the heroes gone? Part 2.

Interesting earmark I want to record here for connection to my previous post about Zeitoun  by Dave Eggers:

"For like other peoples around the world, Americans need heroes...Most of us tend to think well of ourselves when we have acted as we imagine our heroes might have done. Who our heroes are and whether they are presented in a way that makes them lifelike, hence usable as role models, could have a significant bearing on our conduct in the world." -James W. Loewen, Lies My Teacher Told Me, p. 30

This makes me think that my desire for Dave Eggers' portrayal of Zeitoun to be true, and for the context following the story to not be true, is perhaps rooted in how my upbringing and education have conditioned me to think - that heroes are required. Loewen reminded me that even the "heroes" of American history are more often ideals and not true to life. Every one of those "heroes" had flaws (Jefferson had slaves, Wilson was a white supremacist, Revere likely didn't do anything...)...but their accomplishments have been added to the cannon of American mythology and those flaws veiled or overlooked. Why? To influence. To make us seem better than we are and to strive for higher expectations.

But we can't forget the past, and we have to accept the whole story in order to truly learn and to become better. So maybe, while Zeitoun taught me about resilience, family and perseverance - the aftermath may teach me about mental illness, family dysfunction, and the both the implications of and lessons for government policy.

That's deep. And it isn't easy.

But wow - look what reading just made me do, and it's even past my bedtime.

Goodnight.

~MJ

A City of Books

The year of adventure brought me on a coast-to-coast journey from Massachusetts to Oregon. It was a whirlwind week of little sleep but amazing fun with new and old friends. And, of course, an incredible bookstore.

When I knew I was visiting Portland, I knew I had to go to Powell's. My friend asked me what I definitely wanted to see and I said, in this order: "Powell's, mountains, and the Goonies' beach." While the mountains were incredible (the Rockies are still my faves) and we didn't get to go to the beach, I was in love with Powell's. So much that I went twice and then once in the airport Powell's for good measure. In total, I spent more than three hours in "the city of books," mouth agape and feet wondering, admiring what felt like miles and miles of books.

There were books as far as the eye can see. A mix of new and used, bestsellers and obscure texts; award winners and should-have-beens; picture books and chapter books; anthologies and literary series. Nonfiction, fiction, sections on transportation, books in another language, and so much more. I don't think I nearly saw everything.

On the first visit, I mostly bought gifts for my friend who was getting married (she also loves books), including some local art and a variety of books, and a gift card because - who can't go there? I managed to find a copy of Bill Bryson's biography of Shakespeare for $7.98 (+ no tax because it's Oregon) and decided it was a good find.

The second visit, I piled more than a dozen books, new and used, into a basket and illegally took them into the cafe. Illegal because they only want people to take five books at a time in there, but I ignored the sign and voraciously devoured the more-than-a-dozen books by indulging in their first few pages (obviously, to find the right fit). I chose two and re-shelved the remainders. I then wandered into a nonfiction area of the store with every kind of history imaginable - from the general world or country-based histories to the memoirs of world leaders and small towns. I only made it down one aisle because I was overwhelmed at the prospect of all that was in front of me, and stumbled upon Jimmy Carter's White House Diary for $4.98. Noticing that Amazon was selling copies (new and used) between $20-30), I clearly couldn't pass the deal up in adding to my presidential history/memoir shelf. And between these two visits I may have purchased a souvenir (...a coffee cup, water bottle, magnet...) or three. And then a canvas bag to hold all the things.

In the airport, I was given a YA novel that takes place in Portland as a recommendation, and then saw that a book that's been seemingly following me around except to the library (ok, I just notice it everywhere, it's always checked out, and I always rationalize not buying it despite its intrigue because of its price...which really is nonsensical considering my other book purchases). It was $7.98 brand new and I thought, well, I've already broken my "no-purchasing-books-in-2014" rule so why not?

Therefore, my rest of 2014 reading list will include:

• "Wild" by Cheryl Strayed (this is my non-fiction, audiobook pick for the gym - I'm about halfway through)
• "Wildwood" by Carson Ellis (started it on the plane)
• "Indian Killer" by Sherman Alexie (he'd be so proud of my support for a local bookseller, obviously)
• "A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius" (under $8) by Dave Eggers (because, Dave Eggers)
• "Empire of the Summer Moon" by S.C. Gwynne (this was the book that follows me around and finally convinced me to say yes)
• "Shakespeare" by Bill Bryson
• "The Girl You Left Behind" by Jojo Moyes (actually purchsed at a different airport bookstore in Boston as I was concerned about not having enough to read [pre-Powell's] for the 4 hour plane ride. I am ridiculous).

So there you have it. Updates to come.

~MJ

PS I finished "A Tale for the Time Being" and really liked it. It was slower in some places but balanced competing narrators really well, left enough mystery to be intriguing, but answered enough questions to feel closure. The voice was really unique and the story very original - a recommended read for sure!

Progress in 2014

Surprisingly, I've been able to stick to the "no buying books in 2014" rule pretty well. The Tulsa Library and my own personal library have been my friends, and two gift cards from Amazon.

Since last posting, I've finished more books:

"Insurgent" by Veronica Roth (finished February 12)
page turning! 
"Gone Girl" by Gillian Flynn (finished March 5)
It was wonderful to read something for adults. And I was absolutely mesmerized. But so disappointed in the ending.
"Cutting for Stone" by Abraham Verghese (finished March 18)
As transformational as "The Poisonwood Bible." A must-read.
Re-read "Eat Pray Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert (finished March 23)
Because I couldn't get into anything after Cutting for Stone (yep, one of those) and I was traveling. It was awesome to re-read this book that was so inspiring to me at age 21(ish) as a 27 year old. Some of it felt like I was reading it for the first time. 
"Where'd You Go, Bernadette" by Maria Semple (finished April 6)
HILARIOUS. I was consistently entertained and didn't want to stop reading.

I tried starting, but have yet to finish (for lack of interest, really):

"Allegiant" by Veronica Roth
Roth's "Tobias" sounds a lot like her ... lead female I can't remember. And they both sound like whiny teenagers in this book - I couldn't handle it. Had to take a break.
"The Circle" by Dave Eggers
Not yet hooking me in, and after 100 pages, that's sad.
"A Casual Vacancy" by JK Rowling
Way too many characters. I should have been keeping track in a notebook. I will likely re-visit this because it did seem interesting, just too much for my brain on vacation;-)
"Heaven is For Real" by Todd Burpo
Was interesting sometimes but then got a little preachy. Not my jam.

Currently, I'm reading:

"Winter's Tale" by Mark Helprin
Love this - it's complex but is built like a fairy tale in some ways. It's a long read. I'm about 400 pages in and only halfway through; I had to renew this at the library 3 times and then decided to use a gift card to but the e-version on Amazon so I didn't have to lug the book around while I traveled for work recently. It's also so good I don't mind having my own copy to preserve earmarks.

Yay for reading!

Now, about to watch Season 4 of Game of Thrones. I am tempted to get back into reading those books, but fear it will only confuse me more!

~MJ

Where have all the heroes gone?

I'm back into a mode of reading that includes devouring books and having the chance to reflect upon what I've been reading. Thank goodness. I love times like these.

The second book I finished this week was "Zeitoun" (Zay-Toon) by Dave Eggers. Following "What is the What," I had high hopes for this story - and Eggers followed through. 

The book's namesake, Zeitoun, is a patriarch in the story - an immigrant from Syria who has built a successful life in New Orleans. A common strand in the book discusses the difficulties Zeitoun and his family occasionally faced is a post-9/11 America as a Muslim family, and what confusion non-Muslim friends and family members had about the Zeitoun's faith. Despite this, Zeitoun and his wife were able to build a successful business and ensure their four kids could go to good schools, all the meanwhile having a strong, affectionate relationship themselves. 

Then Hurricane Katrina happened. While his wife and children fled New Orleans in advance of the storm, Zeitoun stayed to make sure their house, and the number of properties they owned throughout the city, survived the storm. In the aftermath of Katrina, Zeitoun found himself rescuing trapped elderly people, feeding abandoned animals, and generally being a good samaritan. 

Then he got arrested, seemingly arbitrarily. And although, up to this point, it's clear that the government response to the disaster was lackluster (understatement), the story that follows Zeitoun's arrest is appalling. From a make-shift prison camp at a bus station to an overcrowded prison north of the city, Zeitoun's ordeal is nothing short of horrific.

And yet somehow, after 23 days if imprisonment, he makes it out alive, and fully embarks, with his family, on recovering their pre-Katrina lives. I read one of the closing paragraphs...

"It was a test, Zeitoun thinks. Who among us could deny that we were tested? But now look at us, he says. Every person is stronger now. Every person who was forgotten by God or country is now louder, more defiant, and more determined. They existed before, and they exist again, in the city of New Orleans and the United States of America. And Abdulrahman Zeitoun existed before, and exists again, in the city of New Orleans and the United States of America. he can only have faith that will never again be forgotten, denied, called by a name other than his own. He must trust, and he must have faith. And so he builds..." - p.324

And felt incredibly inspired. The story was a lesson in overcoming adversity, even in the most dire of circumstances. It was a lesson on the meaning of true citizenship, not just of a country, but of humanity, and still what is possible in the wake of both tragedy and inhumanity. 

So inspired, I took to Google to learn more about the topics discussed in the book, including the law enforcement and prison issues during Katrina. When I typed "Zeitoun" into Google, I found some of that info, but another top hit included a story that Zeitoun was *again* facing prison time. My first reaction was "What? Are we serious?!" But when I actually followed the link and read the story, I was shocked. Zeitoun was facing another round of charges detailing violence against his wife - yes, that means he had previously been charged.

In the last three years, not only has Zeitoun been charged for violent acts, his wife has left him and that portrait of a strong, successful family in Eggers' book has been completely shattered. What happened?

This raises so many questions, conflicts, and unsettlement in my mind. Eggers' book is billed as "non-fiction" - if it had been billed as "fiction" would the sting of this apparent aftermath truth feel less obvious? Is this evidence of PTSD? Were there elements of their pre-Katrina lives that the Zeitoun family left out in order to get the story more airtime?

This Times-Picayune story includes details, but I think the debate going on in my head is echoed in the comment strand. It's interesting that the first comment appears to be from a person prominently featured in the story.

I don't have the intellectual energy to expound more of my thoughts here except that my biggest question is: where have all the heroes gone? Zeitoun is clearly flawed in a manner that makes me question the validity of the story as portrayed in the book. But that character, and his story, are so incredibly powerful that shouldn't we still take heed of those lessons? And what's going on with this story about Eggers' foundation? 

This also leads me to think about the role of stories in our culture - their role to shape hope and set the tone for how we react to the world around us and the events within. Regardless of who Zeitoun really is, isn't there something profound to be said about who we want him (and us) to be in situations like those presented in the story - whether it be as a family man, hurricane survivor, or wrongly incarcerated prisoner? 

Good books are meant to be thought-provoking and I am certainly still impacted by "Zeitoun." And although the aftermath of "happily ever after" has tarnished my view of the man and made me question his story, I am still left with the lessons it taught me. And that reminds me that even fairy tales have elements of truths that we disguise in mythology and folklore - but there still is some truth somewhere, and that truth is important.

Too Close to Home

I've finished "What is the What" and am now reading Michael Johnston's "In the Deep Heart's Core."

Reflecting on these choices, I realize:

1. We can be touched, traumatized, and otherwise affected by a narrative that is from a distant land;

2. We are even more deeply influenced by those stories that are in our "backyard"

3. And we are most profoundly touched by those narratives that directly relate to our personal experience, and thus, carve a deep place in our hearts, whether by tugging on a heartstring or further salting an open wound.

"What is the What" is definitely #1 in these categories for me. I found my jaw dropping, my heart sinking, a smile creeping, or laughter sounding in various parts of that book. The whole time, I was relying on the narrator's descriptions to fill the gaps in my imagination, and letting their words soley guide my reactions and connections.

Johnston's "In the Deep Heart's Core," I thought would be like "Waiting for Superman," a little more of #2. It would hit closer to home than Deng's story because it is in the United States and deals with a very unjust, but domestic, issue. And one that may look different in different places.

Johnston, who also happens to be the senator I'm working for this summer, is a TFA alum. He served in Greenville, Mississippi starting in 1997. This book is about his two years in the corps and experiences teaching at Greenville High.

It's roughly two hundred pages. I have read longer books in less time, but after a week, I have only muddled through about half. It's not a slow go because it's boring, too dense, or overly complicated. In fact, it's incredibly interesting, simple in its format, and easy to follow. What's hard is how much its content reminds me of experiences in my own classroom.

It reminds me of students I taught - the ones I won and the ones I lost. It reminds me of those moments where we (teachers) make classic mistakes that allow them (students) a way to turn a little something into a big something. It reminds of those painful moments when the mistakes and the ones I may lose collided, and the powerlessness and feeling of incompetence that washed over me. It reminds me of adults too worried about adult problems, and kids who grow up too fast.

In Johnston's story in Mississippi, I see mine in Oklahoma. I see trials and triumphs, but in some moments have to stop reading in order to stave off reliving moments I've buried for so long.

This book does #3 to a tee. I am so wound up in this book, but feel my heartstrings going taut and the pieces of my heart that have broken tearing just a little bit more. It rocks me to my core, which is why I think it's a worthwhile read, it's just not one I can take lightly. I can't flip through the pages in anticipation of what's next, because it feels like I know it. Like I know what successes or failures lie around the corner and I have to mentally prepare myself for what's next. There is little surprise, but plenty of shock; and it's a story I've felt, I've tasted, I've sweated and bled through. For as powerful as Deng's story is, I don't know what it's like to be a Lost Boy of Sudan. But, for Johnston's story, I've been a teacher in a tough place and felt for my kids in the way that he did. I know the happiness of a kid's win, and my heart breaks a little more when I know adversity may be too hard to tackle in a moment.

I guess the difference is between empathy and sympathy. Great stories generate both in us, but the ones that most profoundly influence us are the ones that hit close to home. When we can empathize and literally see ourselves in the character's shoes. When we don't need to know it's real because it's in the nonfiction section. When we know that "fiction" isn't always separate from "truth."

For my own sanity, I need to read a mix of 1s, 2s, and 3s...and even the occasional "this means nothing to me except it's entertaining" story. Otherwise, it would take me months to get through the shortest of books. And years to digest and reconcile both the reality and narrative reality.

The best part? At least we can tell stories, read them, and live them. Talk about them, reflect on them, and sometimes escape with them. The good news is, there's some degree of impact in every story - and it's up to us readers what we want to do with it.

So, what do I do with Johnston's story? It's good therapy to talk with other teachers about our similar experiences, and I'm teetering on the edge of giving it to some first year teachers I know (to show that this is tough work, but there are victories...or, completely drive them out of teaching). What I do know that fr as much as its affected me, it's giving a me a lot - in reflection, in appreciation, and hope. Yes, hope. Because for as tough as it was at times in Greenville, like it was in Tulsa, Johnston found wins with his kids and has made a name for himself in the world of education. If anything, my time is coming - perhaps it's right around the corner.

Oh, the joys of reading.

~MJ

Earmarks: What is the What

These two clips from "What is the What" most saliently relate to my personal and professional work. I am passionate about children's rights, especially when it comes to quality education. I not only value education, but believe it is the key to freedom in all capacities. Before I expound too much, I'd rather the words of Dave Eggers and Valentino Achak Deng tell you my beliefs about the power of children and of education:

"You have nothing now, nothing but education. Don't you see this? Our country is in shambles, and the only way to reclaim it is to learn! Our independence was stolen from us due to the ignorance of our ancestors, and only you can correct it. Many of you no longer have mothers. You have lost your fathers. But you have education. Here, if you are smart enough to accept it, you will be educated. Education wil be your mother. Education will be your father. While your older brothers fight this war with guns, you will fight the next war with pens." -page 297

"Humans are divided between those who can still look through the eyes of youth and those who cannot." -page 116

My .2:

If Deng's teacher at his fist refugee camp, Mr. Konduit, cannot convince you of the power of education - I don't know who can. My grandmother engrained variations of this message all throughout my upbringing. My mother echoed her sentiments. And both pushed me to make the most of my education and did their best to ensure I could. If it hadn't been for them, or for the handful of teachers that also communicated this message to me, who knows where I would be today? It's a message so much a part of my D.N.A that I brought it with me into teaching and tried my best to reiterate it to my students as often and as clearly as possible. Education breeds knowledge, skills, and just a new awareness of the world. It allows us to grapple with our identities, confront, deconstruct, and build new perspectives - it breaks down barriers of ignorance and provides the tools to knock out oppression. When we let it, education guides us, gives us hope, builds our faith, and gives us a foundation for understanding the world around us. Sometimes, we are frustrated by the pain we find in the world as we learn, and the pain we experience in some of that - but overall, we begin to understand that despite challenges, we are better because we are educated and that we can right some of the world's wrongs because we have a beacon of hope. For these reasons, this passage had a great impact on me, especially in the context of Sudan's war and the issues Deng has to face as a child.

The second earmark reminded me that all too often, adults lose sight of children. In our efforts to run schools, build businesses, and in many cases initiate and/or participate in conflicts (local or global), we forget that 1) children will listen, and 2) children are following our lead into their generation. What lessons should we be teaching them? That war is ok? That death, even violent death, is part of a natural order? That white collar crime in the name of profit is acceptable? That morals can be ignored for the sake of a news story? Every day, adults make decisions that affect kids, but rarely remember that children are there. I think this passage also speaks to the idea that adults are in the business of things like education reform - a movement that not only influences but dramatically impacts kids. But sometimes, we treat issues in the movement as adult problems, not as ones that impact kids. Think of the arguments about teacher tenure, evaluations, and merit pay; think about how kids' test scores are counted for or against a teacher, and how the system forces teachers to favor the students that "count" for the state. There is a whole cascade of problems that adults address on adult terms - forgetting that kids have a voice, too. I think the key to navigating the depths of some of these problems is to welcome the perspective of children, and even for small moments, see their world through their eyes.

These are just two examples of clips from this book that so greatly reaffirm aspects of my worldview, while also challenging and adding to my history knowledge base and awareness of global issues.

This is why I love reading.

~MJ

10 Books in a Summer - Will I make it?

If I don't have enough time to blog about reading, can I really read 10 books by the end of August?

I hope so.

Reading continues to be a joy. I have read four books since the beginning of June and I'm about to complete a 5th.

"My Name is Memory" by Ann Brashares was one of those frivolous, escapist reads. I needed something lighter after "The Green Mile" and thought this paranormal romance (which, despite what reviewers said, is nothing like "Twilight") would be a good fit. It worked. I definitely enjoyed it for what it was - not a profound or stirring read, but a nice gateway to thinking about other-worldly things while not letting reality cloud anything.

"Room" by Emma Donoghue was the complete opposite. It was a story ripped from the headlines Law & Order style, except told from the perspective of a five year old boy. I read it in a few short days mostly because during the middle I couldn't put it down.

"Born to Run" by Christopher McDougall was a random book I found while aimlessly wondering Barnes and Noble one weekend. I was immediately intrigued by the author's focus on a native tribe in Mexico of ultra runners - a people who run for days without rest and are some of the healthiest people on the planet. The book also details some of America's super-athletes, ultra marathon races through the highest points of the Rockies and in the depths of Death Valley, CA. Every chapter had some story that blew my mind and it ultimately convinced me not that I will master the skill of running but that that we, as humans, can be capable of anything as long as we love what it is we want to do.

And now I am 100 pages shy of finishing "What is the What" - a gripping account by David Eggers of one of Sudan's lost boys. The lost boy actually worked with Eggers on the book. It is one of the most powerful texts I have ever read - so many short passages that leave me stunned, emotional, breath-taken, or simply taken aback. Eggers brilliantly weaves history, personal and gripping accounts of Deng's life in Sundan, alongside very modern American issues, conflicts over human rights, and the age-old literary arch of growing up. Simply, I still have not finished, but I love this book. In terms of how it has affected me, it is on par with "The Poisonwood Bible" by Barbara Kingsolver. Not only did it open me to a story about Africa, but connected me explicitly to history not spoken of in textbooks and affirmed to me why everyone else in my life has told me I need to read these books. Yes - both Poisonwood and What should be required reading.

And with that, I encourage you to read my next post, where I will simply relay two of my favorite parts of the book because they are most salient to my personal and professional life at the moment.

To reading,

~MJ