Who is Harris Burdick?

That awkward moment when you think something is real and all along it has been fiction. #howsilly

I had some time to kill between meetings today and happened to be in the neighborhood of Barnes and Noble. Not that I have money to spend there or anything, but alas - I went. After aimlessly wondering the shelves for 10-15 minutes and realizing I should leave soon, I started for the door. And then stopped at a table with a myriad of children's books - "The books all kids should read." Of course, Shel Silverstein was there, along with so many Caldecotts and Newberys that I couldn't process all of the shininess.

Then there stood a book called "The Chronicles of Harris Burdick." I only passively glanced at the cover and then went inside the book flap to see that this book was a collection of short stories by various authors, all of which are based on Harris Burdick's famous pictures. I went back to the cover to see the picture, but only haphazardly. In my 2nd passing glance, I confused Burdick with M.C. Escher because the cover art - remember, in passing - kind of looked like those paintings we used to talk about all the time in math class (looking at the cover now, I was really off).

But anyway, I then noticed some of my favorite authors on the cover's border and in the table of contents: Sherman Alexie, Lois Lowry, Stephen King, Walter Dean Myers, Gregory Maguire, Louis Sacher...among others! Ok, the intro by Lemony Snicket became even more enticing. Mind you, even when reading the introduction by an author with a questionable identity, I whole-heartedly believed that indeed, these authors were creatively writing about existing famous artwork.

And then I thought...this would have been amazing in my classroom!!!!

And now, sitting at home in full view of Wikipedia, Harris Burdick and his inability to write the stories he intended to go with his illustrations is all fiction. But, I found out the real author of the book published the "Burdick" art years ago in a children's book that has been used as a springboard for creative writing. The story of Burdick making all of these illustrations, giving them captions, and mysteriously disappearing before he could write any more,  has been around for years. Children have been honing their creative writing skills with Burdick's work for a long time.

Where was I?

Now, I'm debating whether I want to tear into the book - not because I'm disappointed it's fiction, but because I want to do creative writing with Burdick's art before my imagination is framed by Alexie's, King's, Myers', Lowry's, or Sachar's. I want to engage with Burdick without intervention.

But the prospect of fresh Alexie, King, Myers, Lowry, and Sachar all in one place may just be too much to pass up for an evening of relaxed reading. Or should I wait and just exercise my creative writing muscle?

That awkward moment when you have to pick a side. #suspense #anticipation

~MJ

"For as long as we have voices"

"In the end, though, maybe we must all give up trying to pay back the people in this world who sustain our lives. In the end, maybe it's wiser to surrender before the miraculous scope of human generosity and to just keep saying thank you, forever and sincerely, for as long as we have voices." - Elizabeth Gilbert

I usually find the greatest value in what I read why I feel it applies directly to real life. I remember picking up "Eat, Pray, Love" during naptime when I was babysitting, and had a hard time putting it down an hour later when my little friend woke up. When I left that night, I used a portion of my earnings to stop by Barnes and Noble and buy the book - and it is one of my favorites.

Mostly because of the quote above.
Mostly because on nights like these, after days like these, I am so thankful and hopeful all wrapped into one. I so clearly see the friends I have and the wonderful opportunities that surround me. I know that I want to be my best because of them, and I know that I never want to forget to be grateful. Because I wouldn't be anywhere I am today without the graciousness of others.

So, as I continue my journey, I have to continue saying thank you to those around me, and to the universe for putting them in my path. I whisper it every night as I go to sleep, and tonight, I'd rather shout it from the rooftops - I guess a blog will suffice.

I am thankful for my coworkers, who are supportive, hardworking, and who believe in me.
I am thankful for my friends --
the ones I don't talk to but once in a full moon, but it feels like we never said goodbye;
the ones who make me laugh and let me relieve stress;
the ones who call to check in just because they want to know how things are going;
the ones who call for advice because we've been through it all together, anyway;
the ones who call just to call and say hello, and to laugh;
the ones who want to eat dinner and catch up while supporting a good cause;
the ones I see in passing but they still have time for a hug...

I am also thankful for the existence of Skype, for little surprises that bring joy and giddiness.

And so with my voice, I say thank you. Thank you for stories I'll never forget and for friends I'll always have.

You sustain me.

~MJ

A Way.

You know those lyrics to "My Way," as sung by Frank Sinatra? I think my previous description was missing something.

There's a tinge of regret to the song, isn't there? The idea is that doing it "my way" made life what it was, full of achievements and failures, triumphs and regrets that, in retrospect, seem silly. But the suggestion is that "my way" was the way one went, and there seems an underlying question: was that the best way? Who did I leave behind? What didn't I do?

Clearly, there were other roads to travel: opposing or not-so-opposing choices to be had. Robert Frost didn't write about two diverging paths in the wood for no reason; every day we make choices that carve our path and define us for a lifetime.

Sometimes, those decisions aren't big ones, or very clear ones - but, the culmination of many of these can not only be defining, but hard to change. We obviously can't change where we've traveled, but it's often hard to make decisions to alter the path ahead. There is uncertainty, doubt, and a lack of clarity - we don't know that path as well, so it's hard not only to grasp what it is but how we handle it.

Is it clear by now that I'm at one of those moments in life where it seems completely necessary to stand back and try to see the bigger path picture?
To cringe at what I've done wrong, where I misstepped, and wallow in regret?
To affirm that there is a way to fix the wrongs, to alter the path ahead - all the while longing for the chance to just start over?
Remembering all the signs as clear as day -
Monday morning quarter back at its best.
To be frustrated by what others are and are not doing, saying,
To be stifled by what is out of my control.
To realize, although painfully, that the past cannot be changed
but the future may be harder to change yet.

Fortunately and unfortunately, My Way is the only way I know. Until I teach myself new ways and challenge myself to be better. I can't rely on anyone else to change my path, no matter how much I want them to guide the way. I can accept that the universe has its plan, but that I am a key player in my plan, and only I can make a difference.

Verbalizing, writing, this acceptance is one thing. Finding a way to act on this acceptance, to actually learn from it and close that gap between "my way" and the "best way," is a whole other act in and of itself. I can say I am committed to bettering myself, but measuring that is tricky.

I always keep this quote from Emerson in my head, and I feel like my first step to finding my best way is to actually make this happen every day in my life:

"To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; to know even one person breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded."

Here's my plan: to do the best I can every day.
To think before speaking.
To speak my feelings with humility.
To look within myself for answers before seeking another's opinion.
To expect of others what I expect of myself.
To clearly set those expectations, and accept that I cannot control the actions of others.
To be grateful for opportunities and accept them as they come.
To be reflective and conscientious.
To keep my word.

It's not about doing each of these things every day, but being careful not to do the opposite. This visualization may help me. We'll see. It's a step in a direction I hope will be positive for me.

Small steps (yet another good book by Louis Sachar).

Maybe the time I spend on the phone should be spent in a library or buried in a book instead?

Just a thought on a new course of action.

~MJ

So True

I noticed this on Twitter today. The trending topic, "HP CONQUERS ALL" caught my eye. This quote epitomizes, in 140 characters or less, my previous post about HP and my love of Stephen King.

@PotterHeadFreak "Harry Potter is about confronting fears. Twilight is about how important it is to have a boyfriend." - Stephen King. HP CONQUERS ALL.

Others of my favorite tweets in this trend included:

@12Grummauld_Pl 1,090,739 words. 3,363 pages. 199 chapters. 17 hours and 14 minutes. 8 movies. 7 books. 1 story. HP CONQUERS ALL.
@karlagt Stone? Saved it. Chamber? Discovered. Prisoner? Met him. Order? Joined. Tournament? Won. Prince? Revealed. Hallows? United. HPCONQUERS ALL.
@chelseyaccionox 7 reasons HP CONQUERS ALL. Love. Hate. Betrayal. Anger. Excitement. Fear. Hope.

I love the idea that somebody's stories can so profoundly affect the world. For years.

Thanks again, Harry.

~MJ

Songs Are Great Texts, too

Good writing is good writing is good writing.

Adding a nice sound to those words makes the experience even better.

In no particular order, here is the beginning of a series about my favorite songs...they're favorites because of the combination of words and sounds, but mostly words. These are songs with messages, abou growing up, about de-stressing, about living life, achieving dreams, and acting to make the world a better place.

"Landslide" written by Stevie Nicks

I have three versions of this song, all as beautiful as the next. It's one of the only songs I know where the covers don't sound dramatically different; the haunting similarities, in my mind, speak to just how gorgeous the song really is. Fleetwood Mac, The Dixie Chicks, and even the cast of Glee all bring this song to life for me. I hear it as a song about maturing, about growing up and struggling to be independent but also loving of others. My favorite lyrics are:"Mirror in the sky/what is love?/Can the child within my heart/rise above?/Can I sail through the changing ocean tides/Can I handle the seasons of my life?"

"All at Sea" written by Jamie Cullum

For me, this song is about escape. I always feel myself on a secluded deck of a cruise ship, in the middle of the ocean, with just the sounds of the shifting waters and winds rocking me to sleep. I have literally used this song to take a break from the world when it's stressful. My favorite lyrics are: "I'm all at sea/with no one to bother me/forgot my roots/just me and my thoughts/sailing far away...you don't need it every day/but sometimes don't you just crave/to disappear within your mind/you never know what you might find."

"My Way" written by Paul Anka
This song reminds me to live life to the fullest, to not dwell too long on the negative, and to always accept adventure. Even better, the only version I really love is performed by the one and only Frank Sinatra - and it's his song. The song accepts that regrets happen, than things don't always go as planned. But, "what's more" is that we follow through with our plans, live out every day, and keep going. I love the entirety of the song, but a combination of Sinatra's voice and passion resonates for me with these words: "Yes, there were times, I'm sure you knew/When I bit off more than I could chew/but through it all, when there was doubt/I ate it up and spit it out/I faced it all and I stood tall/and did it my way." Also, I've had these times, too.

"Imagine" by John Lennon
Every  time I hear this song, I want something better for the world. That's probably why I have 8 covers of it with a combined 95 plays on my classic iPod (2006 represent). It reminds me that our world is built on social constructions, and just as easily as we created them, we can change the rules. Not everyone sees the world as I do in this sense, which makes a lot of those changes so hard. But this song gets me through those times. "You may say I'm a dreamer/but I'm not the only one/I hope someday you will join us/and the world will live as one."

"Don't Let Me Fall" by B.o.B/Bobby Ray
This song blew my mind the first time I heard it. Well, I saw the video and recognized Red Rocks and immediately became invested in it - yes, Colorado does that to me. Either way, listening to the song made this experience so much better. This is a song about investing in your dreams, keeping faith that you will reach them, and once you have, knowing how to hold on to them. It's about working hard to achieve goals and to make progress, but also to never forget what it took to get there. "Well it was just a dream/just a moment ago/I was up so high/looking down at the sky/don't let me fall.../Yeah, but for once/no one made that pavement is/cause there ain't no parachute/that they can make for  this/cause I put my pain, my heart/my soul, my faith in this/does anyone else feel how I feel?/then you can relate to this." This lyric also strikes me: "To picture my life boy/you need a higher resolution." Isn't this what we all aspire to? Working hard? Achieving dreams? Always making progress?

"Changes" by 2Pac
This song has always been in the back of my mind, but it became so real for me as I worked with my students in Tulsa. This is a song reflecting how poverty structures culture and how hard it is to overcome. It paints a picture we obviously want to change - high crime rates, drug dealing to kids, violence. It also expresses frustration about the obstacles to change - not just the struggle to change mindsets, but the lack of power, and the lack of focus on the right priorities. When I used this song as part of a lesson in my 8th grade class last year, some of my students saw the hope in this song, and others stopped at the lyrics, "That's just the way it is/some things will never change." 2Pac acknowledges all we should change and frets that we haven't made those changes.  But, despite the frustration, the core of his message is this: "We gotta make a change/it's time for us a people to start makin' some changes/let's change the way we eat, let's change the way we live/and let's change the way we treat each other/you see, the old way wasn't working so it's on us to do/what we gotta do, to survive." Funny how John Lennon and 2Pac, two men who lost their lives to violence and lived in very different worlds, saw what was needed so clearly. What can we learn from them? I feel like if we can keep singing about the problems, and we know the solutions, we can work to reach them.

There will be more of these posts. I appreciate songs as much as I appreciate books.

~MJ

Thank you, Harry.

Best. Series. Ever.

I left "A Game of Thrones" in my car and a new book I'm reading for work. I may not be able to handle reading much right now anyway, but I glanced at my bookshelf and couldn't resist: Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone.

My mom originally got this book for me over ten years ago. In 7th grade, I heard about the book on The Rosie O'Donnell show (my favorite after school tv pastime) but didn't think much of it. Then, my mom got me a copy as she had heard good things about the book. She only got me paperback, though, thinking that if I got into the series we could do hardcover, but it wasn't worth the investment if I ended up not enjoying the first book.

Little did we both know what a passion it would become.

I raced through the first three books during the fall of my 7th grade year, which, in addition to my other reading, catapulted me to the front of my homeroom class in terms of number of books read. That year I won a CD from my teacher for reading so much - and I thank HARRY POTTER!

In the years that followed, I remember the time spent waiting for a new book to arrive. I always pre-ordered the latest HP novel on Amazon.com instead of doing the bookstore party thing. Amazon always promised it would be delivered day-of-release. Twice FedEx failed on Amazon's promise and I had to wait a few extra days (aka, an eternity). But twice Amazon refunded our money for the inconvenience!

I remember the FedEx delivery guy arrived on schedule for the delivery of one of the books. But he was exasperated  It was mid-afternoon; I had anxiously waited all day and was convinced my book was lost in the mail. I'd also heard about people looting delivery trucks. I also had heard that there were simply too many books to be delivered for them to all arrive on schedule. But, FedEx man arrived. I saw him through the picture window in the living room and it was all I could do not to race to the door before he got to the doorstep. My mom and I greeted him and got the book. I was speechlessly excited. He smiled nicely and I remember my mom and him chatting a moment about his day. He said something about his truck being full of Harry Potter and there not being enough hours in the day. So true, delivery man. So true.

I knew people who read them in 24 hours. I would usually try to savor the book for a week although so often it was hard to put down. I remember growing with Harry - the story lines deepening as I matured. I fancied myself to be the same age as Harry and I still won't let anyone tell me differently. I started an HP fan club online in middle school, in the days of AOL chat rooms, message boards, and list servs. I managed to acquire a following of 70 or so people, from all over the world, for an e-newsletter about Harry. It included columns about the plot and characters and I accepted submissions of something from my readers.

My fascination with local news got me to send the newsletter to a local anchor (Wayne Herman at Denver's 7). He mentioned it on the air during the last segment of a show and subscribed to future newsletters. It was probably my most successful attempt at amateur journalism as a child - fostering a love I already had for writing and letting be a little reporte...thanks to HARRY POTTER!

It still blows my mind to think how deeply I, along with millions across the world, got into HP. I usually hesitate to jump on bandwagons right away, but I definitely rode the wave of HP like a pro - and I long for those times. I wish had gone to a bookstore party or two. I did wait in line for the midnight showing of the sixth movie, although I fell asleep (the movies aren't as good as the books, anyway). I long for the anticipation that came with a new HP book; the novelty of that FedEx delivery every couple of years.

I also miss the adventures of Harry, Ron, and Hermione; the wisdom of Dumbledore and Hagrid; the characters I cried over like Sirius Black, Dobby, and yes, Dumbledore. I miss losing myself in a world mixed of wizards and muggles, broomstick sports and custom wands. And, considering how successful HP is, I wonder why words like "muggles" don't clear my computer's spell-check.

Despite my many years of commitment to HP, I've never re-read the books, unlike so many people I know. I also haven't seen movie 7 part 2, but that, to me, is not as grievous or interesting. So. I pulled book 1 off my shelf tonight. I just wrote a whole blog so I should be able to read a chapter or two.

And still, after all these years, I have a giddy anticipation about opening to page 1 and getting lost in Harry's world.

Thank you, Harry, for giving me that escape - along with everything else.

Here's to books that keep you reading,

~MJ

Intriguing, yet Uninspiring

I'm reading the first book in "A Song of Ice and Fire" by George R.R. Martin. "A Game of Thrones" is a long book...674 pages. I've read about half in a week, having a hard time putting it down sometimes. But I'm realizing it is purely entertainment with little  to offer in terms of broader, provocative themes. I still like it. I just wonder how committed I will be to the series. This series of really long books.

I'm definitely into the book at hand. But I feel like reading the series will just be my commitment to its soap operatic quality...that guilty pleasure with no higher, morally-redeemable value. You may have noticed I really like books that make me think about values, aspects of humanity, history and current events. On the surface, this story includes a lot of politics and an interesting web of human relationships, but none of it is taken to a very thought-provoking level. It just keeps me reading somehow. And sometimes, the best reads are those that are just fun.

But, I will say the book has surprised me in places so far - so maybe Martin is going  to throw in some deeper meaning at some point. There certainly are enough characters, solid plot-lines, and an incredible, medieval landscape.

We'll see.

~MJ

Summer Reading Achieved

10 books is a lot in a summer. At least for my schedule. I tried reading about 20 minutes a day, at least, and would often read for an hour or so. But there were a few days when I just couldn't bring myself to pick up a book - if only because I was doing other things, I was sleepy, or needed a break.

10 was an ambitious goal when I started on June 9. But, I made it before Labor Day! I think a tradition of mine might be 10 books between Memorial Day and Labor Day. Here they are, in order of completion:

1. The Green Mile by Stephen King
2. My Name is Memory by Ann Brashares
3. Room by Emma Donoghue
4. Born to Run by Christopher McDougall
5. What is the What by Dave Eggars
6. Courageous Conversations About Race: A Field Guide for Achieving Equity in Schools by Glenn Singleton and Curtis Linton
7. In the Deep Heart's Core by Michael Johnston
8. Fist Stick Knife Gun by Geoffrey Canada
9. The Imperfectionists by Tom Rachman
10. The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton

I enjoyed each book in its own way, with my clear favorites being The Green Mile, What is the What, In the Deep Heart's Core, and The Outsiders. I would recommend any of these books to my friends, though, knowing that each has its own purpose and diverse qualities.

I really like the experience of setting a reading goal and working to achieve it. It sometimes made reading seem like a chore, but I would always quash that feeling with the knowledge that finishing a book feels so good! Therefore, I think I will set goals for myself each season to keep my reading going.

My other "reading seasons" will be marked by holidays...

Fall: Labor Day to Thanksgiving
Winter: Thanksgiving to St. Patrick's
Spring: St. Patrick's to Memorial Day

For the fall, I only want to finish two books:

"A Game of Thrones: Book One of A Song of Ice and Fire" by George R.R. Martin
(because I want to watch the TV show and I've heard this series is amazing)
"The Lacuna" by Barbara Kingsolver
(because I want another read like Poisonwood and Kingsolver will surely deliver)

I will probably read more than these - but I set the goal just around them because they are so lengthy and I want to make myself finish them. I hope to finish at least a couple of the books on my shelf I have bookmarks in halfway through, like "American Gods" and "Stardust" by Neil Gaiman.

But my goal will be to get through Martin and Kingsolver, with any other finished books being purely coincidental.

Here goes!

~MJ

"If we don't have each other, we don't have anything."

I've lived in Tulsa for two years now, so I figured it was finally time to read "The Outsiders" by S.E. Hinton. I had never heard of the novel before moving here; rightfully, it's Tulsa's literary pride and joy. It's been a national bestseller, but somehow, it did not show up on my radar until I came to its birthplace.

Originally published in 1967, Hinton's freshman year at the University of Tulsa, it is a tale of friendship, family, and loyalty. It also focuses heavily on violence, cultural differences, and classism. Hinton originally wrote it as a student at Will Rogers High School here in Tulsa, one of the oldest schools in the city and where my roommate did her two-year TFA commitment.

There was little reference to any specific Tulsa places in the story, but the plot centers around a group of boys on the "east side" who are at odds with another gang on the "west side" with some identifiable landmarks like the Arkansas River. Although it takes place in the '60s and is a meditation on Hinton's view of problems in town, the themes, characters, and plot situations are incredibly universal. Told from a 14 year-old's perspective, the more I read the more I recognized the book's value and the reasons my students consistently picked it up out of our classroom library. Even though the story's characters may have looked different than most of my students who loved this book, many of the issues the characters deal with are strikingly similar to violence that still exists in many urban centers, including Tulsa, today.

One of the main messages that consistently struck me regarded the uselessness of focusing on differences, motivations for violence, and how meaningless most violence is. There are good moments to discuss all of these, and some of the action in the story made me realize how gray some situations are, no matter how obviously black and white you want everything to be. Instead of reviewing the plot, I'd rather reflect briefly on two passages that made this story for me:

"It seemed funny to me that the sunset she saw from her patio and the one I saw from the back steps was the same one. Maybe the two different worlds we lived in weren't so different." -pp. 41

The concept of the "same sun" has always been fascinating to me. Although viewing the sunset or staring up at the stars can be a very personal experience, every day, it is shared by millions of people. We are all under the same sky and somehow, we manage to put up walls, create obstacles, and very handily decide that our differences are greater than our commonalities. We nit-pick about the little things: political viewpoints, religious differences, even the variety of colors present between us. Why do we waste time on the negative side of these differences, judging "the bad" instead of valuing the good? I frequently get annoyed by some of the differences of opinion I may have with some people, and I may also be confused or sometimes frightened by the things I don't know about somebody - so confused that judgement may pass. But ultimately, I like to reflect on why I made those judgements, get to know somebody so that I can alter my perceptions, and talk with those people with different opinions to challenge my beliefs and deepen my thinking. In that way, I'd like to think I recognize and value the differences everyone has. I may get scared, uncomfortable, annoyed, or even angry sometimes - but the idea that we all have different stories under the same sky is somehow life-affirming and a big reminder that the universe is greater than ourselves. So, why worry about the petty things?

"I could picture hundreds of boys living on the wrong side of cities, boys with black eyes who jumped at their own shadows. Hundreds of boys who maybe watched sunsets and looked at stars and ached for something better. I could see boys going down under street lights because they were mean and tough and hated the world, and it was too late to tell them that there was still good in it, and they wouldn't believe you if you did. It was too vast a problem to be just a personal thing. There should be some help, someone should tell them before it was too late." - pp. 179

The poetry of this passage wasn't the only thing that reached me. This paragraph encapsulates what teaching became to me as I delved deeper into life in my classroom and the surrounding community. So many of my students were on the "wrong side of cities" and some were "mean and tough and hated the world." Even those that weren't had moments of fragile frustration, angst, or pessimism. Through literature, through writing, and through my relationship with my students, I tried to be a beacon of "it will get better" or "I'm here for you" or "It's not too late." The pressure of that was tremendous sometimes. The walls erected by resistant teenagers seemed insurmountable at others. But what kept me going was the knowledge that 1) we share the same sky, and 2) all they need and want is love. Sometimes, I sucked at showing that love - but never for a moment did I not feel it. It's crazy how easily that strong feeling can come up in a room of complete strangers on day 1 of being in the classroom, and how quickly that feeling can evolve and deepen over the course of a year. Even more, how much of a void there is without them sometimes.

I read this book because I thought I should as a resident of Tulsa. I finished it reminded of so many of my students - their love of this book, their diverse stories and struggles, the importance of love in any success we had together. The narrator of "The Outsiders" and his characters continually stress the importance of friendship. That the sunset is better when you know somebody is there to enjoy it with you.

It's books like these that reaffirm my values and help me to strive to be a better person. I know from reading this that I want all children to have loving friends and family, to be able to read good books and grow intellectually. I also reaffirmed by reading this book my belief in the power of my friends in family in who I am today. Even those who have betrayed me or left me or were never really friends to begin with. Without them, I wouldn't be half of who I am, and may not have the wherewithal to grow as a person. I miss those I've lost, like our narrator does, but also hold dear the lessons they taught me and the traits they instilled within me.

We ALL still share the same sky. And without each other, each and every one of us, we don't have anything.

~MJ

Saying it So Much Better than I Can

"And then, for the millionth time in the history of feeling, the heart surges, and absorbs the impact." - pg 106, "The History of Love" by Nicole Krauss.

There are books that we read and we recognize beauty right away. There are those, too, that take more than a few pages to strike us. And still there are those that, even months, years, after closing the back cover, we are drawn back.

This is one of those books. It took me awhile to get into this book when I bought it in 2009 on an epic "I want a book" run to Barnes and Noble. But I finished a few months ago. And I took it off my shelf tonight because Krauss so eloquently puts words to a topic that is often otherwise cliche. And, I needed to find some eloquence after a very messy, yet beautiful conversation with someone I care deeply about.

I earmarked this page because this part of the novel discusses how we, as humans, come to know feelings. We only know them when we experience them. Some feelings are easier to come by than others, and even more are hard to explain except for an abstract, singular word. Yet we know all of these feelings because we experience them - our body, our mind, our soul grabs them and never lets go.

What I know from tonight is that I found some feelings and revealed them. And now, my heart is around to absorb the impact -- while a simultaneous weight has been lifted from my shoulders. What a feeling. And yet. *There are no words.

Here's to those times when stories can say it so much better than we can - and thus, here's hoping we never forget them.

~MJ

Too Close to Home

I've finished "What is the What" and am now reading Michael Johnston's "In the Deep Heart's Core."

Reflecting on these choices, I realize:

1. We can be touched, traumatized, and otherwise affected by a narrative that is from a distant land;

2. We are even more deeply influenced by those stories that are in our "backyard"

3. And we are most profoundly touched by those narratives that directly relate to our personal experience, and thus, carve a deep place in our hearts, whether by tugging on a heartstring or further salting an open wound.

"What is the What" is definitely #1 in these categories for me. I found my jaw dropping, my heart sinking, a smile creeping, or laughter sounding in various parts of that book. The whole time, I was relying on the narrator's descriptions to fill the gaps in my imagination, and letting their words soley guide my reactions and connections.

Johnston's "In the Deep Heart's Core," I thought would be like "Waiting for Superman," a little more of #2. It would hit closer to home than Deng's story because it is in the United States and deals with a very unjust, but domestic, issue. And one that may look different in different places.

Johnston, who also happens to be the senator I'm working for this summer, is a TFA alum. He served in Greenville, Mississippi starting in 1997. This book is about his two years in the corps and experiences teaching at Greenville High.

It's roughly two hundred pages. I have read longer books in less time, but after a week, I have only muddled through about half. It's not a slow go because it's boring, too dense, or overly complicated. In fact, it's incredibly interesting, simple in its format, and easy to follow. What's hard is how much its content reminds me of experiences in my own classroom.

It reminds me of students I taught - the ones I won and the ones I lost. It reminds me of those moments where we (teachers) make classic mistakes that allow them (students) a way to turn a little something into a big something. It reminds of those painful moments when the mistakes and the ones I may lose collided, and the powerlessness and feeling of incompetence that washed over me. It reminds me of adults too worried about adult problems, and kids who grow up too fast.

In Johnston's story in Mississippi, I see mine in Oklahoma. I see trials and triumphs, but in some moments have to stop reading in order to stave off reliving moments I've buried for so long.

This book does #3 to a tee. I am so wound up in this book, but feel my heartstrings going taut and the pieces of my heart that have broken tearing just a little bit more. It rocks me to my core, which is why I think it's a worthwhile read, it's just not one I can take lightly. I can't flip through the pages in anticipation of what's next, because it feels like I know it. Like I know what successes or failures lie around the corner and I have to mentally prepare myself for what's next. There is little surprise, but plenty of shock; and it's a story I've felt, I've tasted, I've sweated and bled through. For as powerful as Deng's story is, I don't know what it's like to be a Lost Boy of Sudan. But, for Johnston's story, I've been a teacher in a tough place and felt for my kids in the way that he did. I know the happiness of a kid's win, and my heart breaks a little more when I know adversity may be too hard to tackle in a moment.

I guess the difference is between empathy and sympathy. Great stories generate both in us, but the ones that most profoundly influence us are the ones that hit close to home. When we can empathize and literally see ourselves in the character's shoes. When we don't need to know it's real because it's in the nonfiction section. When we know that "fiction" isn't always separate from "truth."

For my own sanity, I need to read a mix of 1s, 2s, and 3s...and even the occasional "this means nothing to me except it's entertaining" story. Otherwise, it would take me months to get through the shortest of books. And years to digest and reconcile both the reality and narrative reality.

The best part? At least we can tell stories, read them, and live them. Talk about them, reflect on them, and sometimes escape with them. The good news is, there's some degree of impact in every story - and it's up to us readers what we want to do with it.

So, what do I do with Johnston's story? It's good therapy to talk with other teachers about our similar experiences, and I'm teetering on the edge of giving it to some first year teachers I know (to show that this is tough work, but there are victories...or, completely drive them out of teaching). What I do know that fr as much as its affected me, it's giving a me a lot - in reflection, in appreciation, and hope. Yes, hope. Because for as tough as it was at times in Greenville, like it was in Tulsa, Johnston found wins with his kids and has made a name for himself in the world of education. If anything, my time is coming - perhaps it's right around the corner.

Oh, the joys of reading.

~MJ

Earmarks: What is the What

These two clips from "What is the What" most saliently relate to my personal and professional work. I am passionate about children's rights, especially when it comes to quality education. I not only value education, but believe it is the key to freedom in all capacities. Before I expound too much, I'd rather the words of Dave Eggers and Valentino Achak Deng tell you my beliefs about the power of children and of education:

"You have nothing now, nothing but education. Don't you see this? Our country is in shambles, and the only way to reclaim it is to learn! Our independence was stolen from us due to the ignorance of our ancestors, and only you can correct it. Many of you no longer have mothers. You have lost your fathers. But you have education. Here, if you are smart enough to accept it, you will be educated. Education wil be your mother. Education will be your father. While your older brothers fight this war with guns, you will fight the next war with pens." -page 297

"Humans are divided between those who can still look through the eyes of youth and those who cannot." -page 116

My .2:

If Deng's teacher at his fist refugee camp, Mr. Konduit, cannot convince you of the power of education - I don't know who can. My grandmother engrained variations of this message all throughout my upbringing. My mother echoed her sentiments. And both pushed me to make the most of my education and did their best to ensure I could. If it hadn't been for them, or for the handful of teachers that also communicated this message to me, who knows where I would be today? It's a message so much a part of my D.N.A that I brought it with me into teaching and tried my best to reiterate it to my students as often and as clearly as possible. Education breeds knowledge, skills, and just a new awareness of the world. It allows us to grapple with our identities, confront, deconstruct, and build new perspectives - it breaks down barriers of ignorance and provides the tools to knock out oppression. When we let it, education guides us, gives us hope, builds our faith, and gives us a foundation for understanding the world around us. Sometimes, we are frustrated by the pain we find in the world as we learn, and the pain we experience in some of that - but overall, we begin to understand that despite challenges, we are better because we are educated and that we can right some of the world's wrongs because we have a beacon of hope. For these reasons, this passage had a great impact on me, especially in the context of Sudan's war and the issues Deng has to face as a child.

The second earmark reminded me that all too often, adults lose sight of children. In our efforts to run schools, build businesses, and in many cases initiate and/or participate in conflicts (local or global), we forget that 1) children will listen, and 2) children are following our lead into their generation. What lessons should we be teaching them? That war is ok? That death, even violent death, is part of a natural order? That white collar crime in the name of profit is acceptable? That morals can be ignored for the sake of a news story? Every day, adults make decisions that affect kids, but rarely remember that children are there. I think this passage also speaks to the idea that adults are in the business of things like education reform - a movement that not only influences but dramatically impacts kids. But sometimes, we treat issues in the movement as adult problems, not as ones that impact kids. Think of the arguments about teacher tenure, evaluations, and merit pay; think about how kids' test scores are counted for or against a teacher, and how the system forces teachers to favor the students that "count" for the state. There is a whole cascade of problems that adults address on adult terms - forgetting that kids have a voice, too. I think the key to navigating the depths of some of these problems is to welcome the perspective of children, and even for small moments, see their world through their eyes.

These are just two examples of clips from this book that so greatly reaffirm aspects of my worldview, while also challenging and adding to my history knowledge base and awareness of global issues.

This is why I love reading.

~MJ

10 Books in a Summer - Will I make it?

If I don't have enough time to blog about reading, can I really read 10 books by the end of August?

I hope so.

Reading continues to be a joy. I have read four books since the beginning of June and I'm about to complete a 5th.

"My Name is Memory" by Ann Brashares was one of those frivolous, escapist reads. I needed something lighter after "The Green Mile" and thought this paranormal romance (which, despite what reviewers said, is nothing like "Twilight") would be a good fit. It worked. I definitely enjoyed it for what it was - not a profound or stirring read, but a nice gateway to thinking about other-worldly things while not letting reality cloud anything.

"Room" by Emma Donoghue was the complete opposite. It was a story ripped from the headlines Law & Order style, except told from the perspective of a five year old boy. I read it in a few short days mostly because during the middle I couldn't put it down.

"Born to Run" by Christopher McDougall was a random book I found while aimlessly wondering Barnes and Noble one weekend. I was immediately intrigued by the author's focus on a native tribe in Mexico of ultra runners - a people who run for days without rest and are some of the healthiest people on the planet. The book also details some of America's super-athletes, ultra marathon races through the highest points of the Rockies and in the depths of Death Valley, CA. Every chapter had some story that blew my mind and it ultimately convinced me not that I will master the skill of running but that that we, as humans, can be capable of anything as long as we love what it is we want to do.

And now I am 100 pages shy of finishing "What is the What" - a gripping account by David Eggers of one of Sudan's lost boys. The lost boy actually worked with Eggers on the book. It is one of the most powerful texts I have ever read - so many short passages that leave me stunned, emotional, breath-taken, or simply taken aback. Eggers brilliantly weaves history, personal and gripping accounts of Deng's life in Sundan, alongside very modern American issues, conflicts over human rights, and the age-old literary arch of growing up. Simply, I still have not finished, but I love this book. In terms of how it has affected me, it is on par with "The Poisonwood Bible" by Barbara Kingsolver. Not only did it open me to a story about Africa, but connected me explicitly to history not spoken of in textbooks and affirmed to me why everyone else in my life has told me I need to read these books. Yes - both Poisonwood and What should be required reading.

And with that, I encourage you to read my next post, where I will simply relay two of my favorite parts of the book because they are most salient to my personal and professional life at the moment.

To reading,

~MJ

For the Love of Reading

I just found these great blogs about two of my favorite topics: BOOKS and LOST.

BOOKS: http://www.flashlightworthybooks.com/ is the ultimate book blog of lists -- all kinds of recommendations by well-read people. I will certainly be enjoying it!

LOST: Through the aforementioned blog, I found a list of "LOST Required Reading" and followed a link to we heart this. Not only does this blog combine my love of reading and the best television show of all time, it does so cleverly. The web site is also pretty snazzy. Highly recommend.

In other news, I am trying to finish "Emergence" by Steven Johnson (there comes a certain point where my taste for nonfiction wears). And I keep fighting the urge to go to Barnes and Noble or shop for ebooks...I find myself adding many, many books to the "To Read" list.

Next stop, more books:-) (and I'm thinking about watching some LOST...)

~MJ

Finishing a Book - The Impact of Stories

This is one of my favorite things. Call it a sense of accomplishment. I think the more important feeling is that not only is something finished, but a new sense of perspective comes. That landscape is altered just a bit, and for that, I also feel a sense of appreciation.

I just finished "The Green Mile," by Stephen King. Underneath the story of how a death-row prison guard deals with not only an innocent, but incredibly gifted prisoner is a strong meditation on the power of writing, of storytelling. Tim O'Brien had a similar reflection in parts of "The Things They Carried." It's so interesting to me that two very different writers (and who knows how many more) manage to reflect on their process in the midst of writing both fiction and nonfiction.

Both Paul Edgecome (King's narrator), and Tim O'Brien talk about storytelling being an outlet, a kind of therapy. That somehow, by telling their stories, by putting pen to paper, they can find resolution. I think sometimes readers feel this power, too, and they use stories for their own purposes. So, it seems we all have our own agendas, and the story's impact is in the eye of the creator and the beholder.

Now that I've read the book, I can see the movie (a principle of mine), but I know King's words will, in ways, never be fully conveyed on screen. I have heard the movie is good, but I highly recommend the book.

~MJ

Must Reads #1

This is an interesting piece from a NYTimes Magazine issue about my latest favorite series: The Hunger Games. This trilogy highlights all that I love about reading: I love books that are engaging, deep, and thought-provoking (but then again, who doesn't?). The article really discusses the books -- I'm here to tell you a little more about why I consider them "must-reads."

I couldn't put the books down! They tackled issues of war, rebellion, government control, friendship, romance, and still managed to make new and interesting commentaries on pop culture and media. I taught the first book in my 6th and 7th grade classes this year, and also recommended the books to many of my 8th graders. Just the interaction with the text prompted big discussions in my room on all of the above topics, and also got my kids making connections to current events locally and globally, as well as Greek mythology. Books that come with such dynamic results for the reader are why I love reading! I don't make book recommendations lightly -- but, you must read these books.

The biggest disappointment? The trilogy is over. And somehow, I want more...

~MJ

What a World

I'm currently reading "The Green Mile" by Stephen King. Like many of my books, I picked it up over a year ago, started reading it, put it back on the shelf, and was struck by something to pick it up again. I've raced through half the book in about two days, reading it by the pool or in the quiet moments summer vacation brings to my apartment.

In all of the books I read, I earmark pages where certain lines or short passages resonate with me. I usually don't highlight or underline; for some reason, 99 percent of the time at least, I am usually able to recall exactly why I folded the corner of a page, even if it's only because of a couple of words. Visual memory is astounding in this way.

One such earmark happened today because of recent conversations I've had with close friends. In this portion of the story, the narrator, Paul Edgecombe, is talks about an incident with death-row inmate, Eduardo Delacroix. Delacroix is being asked show prison administrators all of the tricks Mr. Jingles can do (he is quite the remarkable mouse). The situation is highly unusual, but that seems to be the point of Edgecombe's purpose in telling death row stories -- it's a highly unusual place. After being told to (basically) break a leg, Delacroix says, and Edgecombe reflects:

"You bet." A smile shone out of his face, so sudden and so simple in its happiness that I felt my heart break for him a little, in spite of the terrible thing he had done. What a world we live in - what a world!

It's in these moments that I realize making self-text connections isn't something just for the Language Arts classroom -- it happens so readily when we read all the time, for pleasure or for work.

I'm just about halfway through this story and have never seen the movie. But I get the feeling that one of the points King tries to make is about not judging books by their covers, or people by their crimes. The feeling Edgecombe describes about Delacroix in this scene reflects that despite everything, we are all human and have heart-strings that can be tugged.

I take this to heart because on the whole, I am the kind of person who gives others the benefit of the doubt. There are so many facets to an individual's character that one incident or event can't define them. This is usually why I have a hard time letting loose the close bonds of a friendship or relationship, even when that other person has damaged the situation in some way.

This is not always healthy or wise, but I think it helps me to be a better person overall. It helps me to value the little things, push myself to be more forgiving than vengeful, and also aids me in being more critical of motivations and choices. Sometimes, this just amounts to me being over-analytical, sometimes too worrisome, or even too trusting - but I think it's always helpful to remember that everyone has a story, a reason.

This especially helps in the classroom, not only to build a rapport with my students, but to remember that on those days when we just can't get along, there's a reason that probably has nothing to do with me. It's a fine line between personal investment in someone and enough detachment to not take negativity so personally.

In my personal life, it's a finer line to walk, especially with those who have betrayed or damaged my friendship with them or my trust. There's always a good side to remember or cherish about someone, even when the negative really left a mark. I guess I always want to believe in the redemptive qualities of everyone -- enough that I often feel the urge to overlook what took them down in the first place.

I've only truly held one grudge in my life and it's one I've lost the ability to reconcile fully. I still struggle with whether I should have done something about it before I couldn't, but there's a part of me that is comfortable with the fact that I didn't. However, it the discomfort is enough that I am propelled to ensure I never forget the good qualities of others in my life, and at least in my heart, acknowledge their goodness.

King often explores this issue to varying degrees in many of his stories (i.e., Rita Hayworth and the Shawshank Redemption, Premium Harmony, A Good Marriage), which is probably why I keep reading them.

What a world, indeed. Funny how stories shed some light on it in these ways.

~MJ

Stephen King's Official Web Site

The Landscape's Changing

In Craig Ferguson's "Between the Bridge and the River," one of the many journey's chronicled is that of Fraser, a man in crisis. He is guided aptly by Virgil (yes, the Roman who also appeared in Dante), trying to find his way out of crisis. In one episode, they are walking a vast, empty expanse that is dull and unwelcoming; after V tells Fraser a story, Fraser notices the landscape is changing, as well as the look of his guide.

"Things are changing," said Fraser. "You look different, the lay of the land looks different. What's going on?"
"Ah," Virgil smiled, "You just heard a story, you are being affected by it. Nothing has changed. I am the same, the lay of the land is the same."
"But it all looks different," protested Fraser.
"That's because the story, like all stories, has altered you slightly. Everything will look a little different."

This is one of my favorite passages from one of my favorite books. It seems simple, yes, but I think it speaks to why I love reading so much.

I've loved reading ever since I first could, sitting on the kitchen counter at the age of 6 reading "The Great Kapok Tree" to my family as they prepared dinner. I've never been anything less than a bookworm - you can ask the friends I went to the pool with in the summer, who splashed around as I read in the sun. You can ask my students, who always heard how much I loved a book before I made them read it.

Call it the inspiration of summer break, or because I am yet again in the midst of great reading - but, I thought it was time to take stock of what I've read, what I'm reading, and why it matters (if to no one else, but me). I used the quote from "Angela's Ashes" with this in mind, knowing that minding what's on my mind about books can not only be a good reflective practice, but help me to find that resplendence that Mr. O'Halloran tells his students about.

Awhile ago I had a reading blog that failed -- I think because I tried to make it too routine and mechanical. For that reason, I am not sure what the format of this blog will be other that what comes to me in the moment I choose to add to it. I am constantly ear-marking passages as I read, so I'm sure some reflection related to those will come. I also envision reflecting on a recently finished book, the process of finding a new one to read, and my inevitable juggling of too-many-books-at-once. Mostly, I hope this will track how my landscape changes throughout the course of reading. It's also crossed my mind to invite some of my avidly reading friends and family to author on the blog. We'll see.

Ultimately, know this: the contents of this blog will largely consist of opinions. I never demand agreement with those, just that they are heard. Like Dumbledore said, "Differences of habit and language are nothing at all if our aims are identical and our hearts are open." So hopefully, like me, you'll see this as an opportunity to reflect on the landscape and its changes -- all because of books.

~MJ